Weird Roommates
by detrametal
Summary: Garfield Logan owns the home with the oddest of people, a homicidal murderer, a vigilante, a beautician and a shop owner. Sounds like a bad joke, huh? But it gets even better, he's an award winning author that has hidden away from the world until now when his editor cajoled him into going onto the most popular TV show ever. What secrets will his weird roommates learn?


_Twenty-thousand charged the hill, the hill guarded by only a scant few. The King raised his sword and charged with a cry so fierce that the heavens themselves shook. Rolb only glanced down at the on-coming horde. The two that had stood beside him fled in terror, he raised his saintly sword-_delete, delete, delete_…fled in terror, he lifted his arm-_ "nonononono, that's not right….hmmm" a knock at the door pulled the author out of his chair with a heartfelt "Dammit!" he jerked the door open "What?" he snapped.

The girl who looked up at him quivered and tears flooded her huge eyes, she held her hands to her mouth and started to sniffle. With a sigh he scratched the back of his head and held out his arms, with a cry of "Yay!" She flung herself into his arms.

He stared into those large amethyst eyes before he noticed "DAMMIT RAVEN YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER ME!"

She giggled at her green friend "Oops! Heeheehee didn't mean to!"

* * *

Yes, this was the life of author Garfield Logan, shape shifter extraordinaire. He and his four roommates were the oddest bunch in the city. There was Starfire, alien princess warrior-think Xena only more kick-ass, beautician, Victor Stone the half-robot inventor and owner of Stone electronics, Richard Grayson, the egotistical step-son of the owner of Wayne Enterprises/moonlight vigilante for the city, and Rachel Raven Roth, half-demon tea shop owner and homicidal killer. Our hero is not any of these, for as previously noted it is Garfield with which we shall set our focus, the green shape shifter and author of the award winning _"Kingdom Come, Thy Doom Be Done"_ series.

The mornings always started out the same, he got up, prepared himself for the day and went to work for an hour before shutting down his computer and walking into the kitchen to make breakfast, one plate of French toast, one stack of waffles, three eggs over easy with half a package of bacon and a slice of ham, and finally a Jell-o pudding cup, with three slices of bacon, two chocolate Hershey's kisses, and a small krab salad (the imitation stuff) before putting the drinks down beside the plates, a cup of black coffee, herbal tea, a cup of milk, and a bottle of mustard. Then he would sit in one of the bar stools on the counter and look over the various paperwork and proposals the others would ask him to look over while eating his own meal, the same as he had made for the past three years of living with them, one small tofu omelet, one slice of bread, an apple and a small bowl of oatmeal finished off with a cup of orange juice. He would then eat slowly while waiting for the others, at precisely 7:27 AM they would walk out of their room to enjoy a morning meal with each other.

Unfortunately it always started out the same. The hero known as Robin (A.K.A. DICK) would shout "RAVEN! STOP KILLING PEOPLE!"

She would cock her head to the side "Why? It's fun."

Vic would shake his head "It's not right" he was the one that made all of Richard's equipment for him.

Starfire would shake her head in return "But it is war, she is stronger so she wins" the princess was nice and caring and totally ruthless in a fight.

And they would erupt into all out verbal war. Gar would clear his throat once softly, still they would argue, again slightly louder, they would ignore him until he would clear his throat a third time while still looking at the newspaper. They would be hushed into silence as he still read "Who has paid for each of your shares of rent on multiple occasion?"

They bowed their heads and said simultaneously "…You…"

"Who works not only for himself but reviews all your paperwork for free?"

"…You…" they said, sounding like scolded children.

"Who is the legal holder of this home?"

"…You…"

"Who's going to shut up and stop arguing?"

"…We are…" They said weakly and they slowly separated to finish a few last minute things as Gar went out get the mail.

He sorted out the mail by recipient in their spots on the table as he usually did until they others got back in and read their letters. Things were going well until Richard said "…but she started it"

With a loud sigh Gar threw the paper on the counter "That's it! You're training with me!" the group gulped and turned pale. That threat was the worst thing they had ever heard. The four hour training with Gar was the single worst thing any of them had ever experienced, the pain and suffering he went through were a feat no mere mortal could contain.

As the duo sat a bit away from the other group during a short break Richard turned to Gar "You really don't care if she kills people?"

He shook his head "If they're of no use to me I couldn't care less"

The heir to the corporation snorted "That list is very, very short…who all's on that list?"

"Everyone here…editor…few others…Jinx"

"Jinx?"

"Yeah"

The masked man shrugged "She just doesn't seem of much…value to you"

"Actually she's worth quite a bit to me, she buys my books, offers good advice, makes a mean meal, is one of the few humans, meta or otherwise, that I find myself liking, let alone tolerating, and she keeps Vic in line"

Richard shrugged and stood waiting for Gar, who's phone buzzed at that exact moment. Looking at the text Gar issued one word from his mouth. "Dammit"

* * *

As he packed the other four stared at him before Raven's wide eyes peeked owlishly from the frame "So you're going to California? For a show?"

Tossing a shirt into his bag and with a irritated sigh "Yeah, it's one of those things that happens to authors every once in a while. At eight on Wednesday I'll be on 'John Doe Tonight' no matter how much I don't want to go"

But they had stopped listening at 'John Doe Tonight' the single most popular show since the television was invented. As he tossed a few glasses cases into the bag followed by a book they managed to gather enough wits about them to nod as he issued his list of commands as High Ruler of the Home, Payer of Most of the Bills, and Oldest of the Group. As he stepped out the front door he turned to them "You will not invite anyone over without my consent. You will not allow anyone to spend the night without my consent. You will allow no one into my room or office. No booze. If you break any rules you'll help me catch up on my workout when I get back" he ordained with a wolfish smile as they shuddered under his gaze. He tossed a "be safe" as he pulled on his sunglasses and got in the taxi.

* * *

The phone rang twice before he picked up, they caught a "Vince, I swear to God, if you put me on this show again I will break your legs… Logan speaking"

The others stood around the speaker phone, Vic started "Hey Gar…youuu okay?"

"Yeah, just these people are cr-I would rather shoot myself in the foot with a shotgun than wear that, I brought clothes that **I. WILL. WEAR.**" they could hear the make-up people run off in primeval terror "Okay, I got a moment, what did you want?"

Vic looked at the pink haired woman staring at him "Can Jinx come over to watch the show?"

She giggled "Are you seriously asking if I can come over? What are you thirteen?"

As Gar chased off the beautician's reinforcements Richard nodded "You know his work out schedule. Now imagine doing three sessions a day for a week…that's what we'd be going through" Jinx shuddered at the thought, she went through one session and that was enough for a lifetime.

"Yeah, she can come over, Hell, she can even spend the night, just wear protection I don't want to deal with little kids right now" Vic and Jinx were dying from embarrassment while the others were laughing, Gar, however, was silent for a moment "Okay guys, I've got to go, I'll be home soon"

* * *

The John Doe Show usually had two or three guest, but in honor of the author the entire two hour special was dedicated to him, as he walked on the cheering crowd suddenly fell silent, they didn't expect a meta.

They soon managed to get a good bit of cheer back as he sat in the chair, he looked very dashing, black slacks and dress shoes, a white un-tucked shirt, a black watch and set of black Oakley Half Jackets. He sat and crossed one leg over his knee as he laced his fingers together. The host smiled "Hello Mr. Logan, it's nice to meet you…let's get this started- seeing as you've been hidden from the world since your first book nobody knows you-tell us about yourself"

The gravelly voice was accompanied by a wide sweep of the hands "Like what?"

"Like how the hell this book has gotten so many outstanding reviews" and the generic man stood a book up on his desk, the black cover had _"The Wolves of Frost"_ written in jagged harsh lettering, the white clashed harshly with the darkness the book had. Doe continued "When I read the book at first I thought there would be no way in hell that I'd like a book about this sort of stuff…torture, rape, murder revenge…but I was hooked in all of ten minutes. How did you do it?"

Gar pressed his entwined hands to his mouth "Mr. Doe, this will lead you down a path, I assure you, you do not want to travel down"

"I've pulled a lot of crap with this show…what makes you think I don't want to do this?"

The studio was dead silent as Gar took a sip of his water before setting it down on the black leather sofa beside him "I survived Moneta, the concentration camp of Metahumans, also called the greatest tragedy of our era." Doe swallowed harshly, this was one topic he'd have rather avoided…


End file.
